My Thoughts on the recent protest regarding George Floyd’s murder.

As some may know, I do not express my feelings publicly too often. But I will not reserve them

this time. To those who have asked me how I’m doing, I appreciate you, but my response would not do justice if I didn’t share my thoughts below.

So much has happened in the last two weeks

alone that I can’t even describe to you in text threads of how I am feeling. My mind has been

traveling a mile a minute and while I found it hard this week to collect all my thoughts, I couldn’t stop thinking of the tragedies that Black people have had to face in the last decade, let alone

since being brought into this country as slaves. So here below is my answer to your question:

How are you feeling?

I’m frustrated and angry

I am sick of seeing Black lives being murdered in the street by a people sworn to protect and

serve a community, and have lost nearly all hope in every institution as they all play a role in

perpetuating systemic racism. These last few months have shown that my people are

consistently being attacked by all sides day in and day out. If it’s not a cop inflicting pain, then

it’s person being racist, or it’s our job being discriminatory, or it’s a virus that kills us more due to systematic inequities in healthcare, and so on. You don’t get a break being Black, you only get to buy time before the next tragedy — or worse, before you’re the tragedy.

I’m scared

Do people not realize how long Black people have been persecuted in this country? Do people realize that police violence didn’t start a decade ago? 20 years ago? Or 40 years ago? If people are just now realizing, we still have a long way to go and that scares me, because we are far from the end. And I’m scared for this future generation and when raising my kids. What do I tell them about their identity? I look back on my parents, and while our parents did their absolute best in disciplining us, teaching us how to respect elders and authorities, and especially how to avoid being murdered by police (thank you mom and dad), I don’t think they ever thought we’d get to this point in time. This is a point where I believe there are no teachers or parents that can prepare you for this life. Because, please...

Let’s forget about how our parents and friends taught us to avoid being killed when the police stop you while driving. Let me ask you something:

How can you avoid being killed while shopping? How can you avoid being killed while jogging?

What about when being threatened while walking your dog in a park just because you reminded someone of the park rules? Who can teach us how to not be killed in a park while playing with a toy gun? While carrying a registered gun? While walking home? While sleeping in your home? While someone broke into your home thinking it was their home? While in my backyard? While filling up gas and playing music? While playing a sport in high school? While being a part of a fraternity? While coming home from a NYE party? A regular party? While dealing with mental health issues? Or when they had the wrong guy?

In every aspect of my life I could die. And while you strive to thrive in life, my people are simply trying to survive every second of the day. When I was 16 in high school, I was only a few months younger than Trayvon Martin when he was murdered. Michael Brown and I graduated both at 18. One of us when onto college, the other’s life was cut short. When I was getting ready to graduate at age 22, Stephon Clark was gunned down in the backyard of his grandmother’s house. He was 22. Any of these could’ve been me. When will this stop?

I’m drained

I’m tired of having to prove Black Lives Matter. At what point did we say your life doesn’t matter?

We’ve only said one phrase since the beginning. We are trying to validate our lives, not

invalidate yours. The fact that we have to prove we are humans deserving of life just like the

rest of you in itself is insane to me. What is it that you’re not understanding? What’s not getting through your head? No one is saying Black Lives Matter and your’s doesn’t.

But for some strange reason, we say BLM, and you say all lives matter We say BLM, and you say blue lives matter And then we say BLM, and you post a black square

Which leads me to my next feeling.

I’m confused

Thank you for companies that have posted call to actions, and thank you to those who have

checked in with your Black friends and family. Now, for those that posted a black square on

Tuesday...why? Now I’m not questioning your intentions, as I’m sure most of them were

genuine, but I think you missed the point. Black Lives Matter is a movement. It is an action, and time and time again people want to sweep the movement from its feet with nonsense (see my above feeling). To me, a black square is just like a company posting a call to action. That’s all it is. But at least companies said something. All you’re doing is bringing awareness. But what are you doing? BLM is not a social trend or a mere hashtag, it is a movement. These squares halted that movement by temporarily suppressing vital information via social media for people to access during challenging times.

On top of that, there was roughly 28 million squares posted. But do you know how many people singed the petitions as of this week? The petitions narrowly beat out the squares. I had to combine petition signage from FOUR different petition sites and combine the signatures from both Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd.

15.7M for George Floyd (via Change.org)

3.1M for George Floyd (via Justice for Big Floyd)

4.5M for George Floyd (via Color of Change)

703K for Breonna Taylor (via standwithbre.com)

3.6M for Breonna Taylor (via Change.org)

557K for Ahmaud Arbery (via Change.org)

610K for Ahmaud Arbery (via Color of Change)

Let me make this clear, not one person’s petition individually out-did the black squares. Only

combined - and from multiple sites - do they beat (barely) your black out Tuesday posts.

Imagine if 28 million people signed three or more different petitions each? So I’ll ask again, what was the point? Yeah I get that you say that you’re here for us and you’re posting for awareness, but God is also here for me too and I trust Him way more than I trust you. So what actions are

you taking?

Nevertheless, I’m hopeful and empowered

You have used your voice and now people are aware; so many more people are aware and

can’t run away from this systematic oppression. We are beginning to have more and more

conversations. People are starting to mobilize. We our communicating through multiple

channels and I’m even getting to lead discussions in the workplace. It makes me hopeful...

motivated. But we have been here before, but it feels a little different right? There’s just a bit

larger spark than there was last time right? I want to feel like this time is different. That we won’t just talk about change, but we change. And I believe it’s possible. To fight systematic oppression and racism, you have to attack it systematically. Not one thing by itself will change the system, and I believe we all are beginning to realize that.

So to my non-Black friends, I hope to see you again in three months, and then the next months after that, and so on, and so on.

And to my Black brothers and sisters, let’s keep this fire going. In whatever you’re doing, do not let up. My prayers are with us all.

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